1. When did Spider-man become a romantic comedy?
I know that there were always elements of romance and comedy in the film franchise but I didn't think it would manifest itself in vom-inducing scenes of Peter Parker following Gwen Stacy around like a love sick puppy. I love comedy and action AND romance but the effort to try and capitalise on their real life relationship was so painfully awkward and obvious. Making out in a broom closet? Honestly? We’re talking about two non-Saved by The Bell adults and the best they come up with was getting hot and heavy in a broom closet? Thumbs down.
2. Who wrote this film?
It’s not a real question. I know who wrote it. But I do remember uttering the sentence, “whoever wrote this should be euthanised.” I’ll just say this: the dialogue was utter tripe. The story line was...so off the mark, I wouldn't know where to begin. There were roughly 10 thousand ‘B’ stories and not a single ‘A’ story in sight. I really wish that the writers had spent more time writing and editing. I wish they’d trimmed the fat and made the dialogue more dynamic. There weren't many dialogue heavy scenes (which was an EXCELLENT choice considering the writers have no idea how people in society talk apparently) but I wish there had been stronger writing across the board.
3. Jamie Foxx aka Electro
I love Jamie Foxx. I think Jamie Foxx is an excellent actor and this film’s main problem is that Jamie Foxx didn't have a better story and better lines. I mean, he literally has an Oscar but they have him saying lines like “soon, everyone in the city will know how it feels to live in a world without power, without mercy, without Spider-Man!” I get it, the writers were super occupied with writing a trillion nonsensical 'B' stories but for the love of Christ. What is the actual point of hiring a brilliant character actor like Jamie Foxx and then having him say about 3 lines?
4. Way Too long
The film was 142 minutes. Yes, that’s right a film about [insert what the film was about] was over 2 hours long. The worst part of the movie’s length was that you literally had to sit through 130 minutes of Peter Parker saying “don’t go to England! I need to find out about my parents! A bunch of other stuff!” only to have anything even approaching interesting happen in the last 10 minutes of the film. They could have probably scrapped the first 130 minutes and gone with the stuff at the end and they’d have a better film for it.
5. The opening scene
The film opens up with Richard Parker stealing some files from Oscorp. He says goodbye to his family and boards a plane to flee the country. While he’s on this plane he is uploading some files to the internet (Okay, kind of weird. This scene is set in like 2001 and the internet wasn't even good on the ground let alone airplanes). Suddenly, an assassin emerges from the cockpit, engages Richard Parker in a fist fight and Mary Parker says something to the effect of “Richard, the internet!” Undeterred, Richard breaks away from the fight just as the cockpit of the plane has ripped open and the assassin is sent flying into the atmosphere. This superfast 2001 internet completes an entire video upload in 0.3 seconds and Richard Parker releases the laptop as he plunges to his death. Can I just say, that in the year 2007, it literally took me about 30 minutes to load the ‘Charlie bit my finger’ youtube video?
I'd like to reiterate that this wasn't the worst film ever. In fact, I think the saving grace of the whole thing was the fact that Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone had genuine chemistry and the main cast is comprised of very good actors. The material wasn't great and I think there were some wasted opportunities for a great release but the film is bound to find an audience.
